Millenni-eyes: Love and Marriage
If someone told me over 20 years ago that I would be single with no kids, I might have cried, thinking there is no way possible that this was going to be true. I used to write letters to myself about where I would be at certain times in life. For instance, at 15 years old I wrote a letter to myself with the following list of goals that I were to accomplish by the time I was 24 years old:
Have a motorcycle
Have a job where I get to dress up
Be married to (insert name of the high school sweet heart that I thought I would be with forever)
The list may have included other superficial or adrenaline junky-type activities. However, the main goal I so wished to be true (at the time that I wrote it) was to be married with kids. I used to imagine what kind of mother I would be. I pictured being as supportive a wife as my mother was. She cooked meals every day, kept the house clean, and hand-washed my dad’s military uniforms. Our home was so full of life with my four siblings all singing, dancing, and running around the house. I wanted just as much ruckus in my own home.
Now, fast forward to the age of 40, I often get asked the question “When are you going to get married?” Another question is “How come you don’t have kids?” Well, as I mentioned, there was a time when I wanted all of that. I was engaged before, and the plan was to get an early start on building a family. Yet something in my gut kept telling me that I could do/have/be more. That in no way implies that the person I was with treated me any less than I deserved. He was ready to give me the world. Maybe I was not ready, or maybe I had an inkling that being with your high school sweetheart forever was not a likely occurrence. Whatever the case, I made the decision to not go the “traditional route” of a life expected of a woman in a serious relationship and of child-bearing age.
According to Goldberg Jones the millennial marriage rate at 26% is “the lowest in years,” with Gen X at 35%, and baby boomers 48%. One of the reasons for this pattern is the focus on education and career. If I am being completely honest, I gave up my potential military spouse life to pursue my education at the university of my choice. I did not want to follow another person’s career. I did not want to focus on the kids that I know would get my undivided attention and love, thus putting my aspirations on hold. These are choices that I made, and there have been times that I’ve pondered over the “what if’s,” but I do not regret a thing. I am proud to be a millennial because of the opportunities that I was able to foresee.
The anxiety over the pressures of societal expectations is still heightened for many. If you feel that anxiety is getting in the way of your daily activities, it is best to reach out for professional help. At therapeutic practices such as GO! Therapeutic Services & Supervision, LLC or The Hardy Clinic, expert therapists help you manage anxiety and learn skills that will help you reduce negative thoughts or behaviors.